Ponderisms ……

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a phone camera these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

How is it one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

and from     Mitch Hedberg

You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f*ck’s really goin’ on down there? Who is the real hero?

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousands of something.

If You Look…..

If you just look at all that already exists in your life, all that you already have: unlimited air to breathe, ample lighting to see, music to hear, books to read, stars to dream by, trees to gaze at, floors to dance on, friends to cavort with, enemies to befriend, strangers to meet, woods to walk through, beaches to comb, rocks to scale, rains to cleanse you, rivers to float you, animals to comfort you, you do have to admit, there’s more of it than you could ever, ever, ever spend.

But try anyway.

Mike Dooley

Beautiful Libraries

The Pencil

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.

“There are 5 things you need to know,” he told the pencil, “Before I send
you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you
will become the best pencil you can be.”

“One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow
yourself to be held in Someone’s hand.”

“Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you’ll
need it to become a better pencil.”

“Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.”

“Four: The most important part of you will always be what’s inside.”

“And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark.
No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.”

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box
with purpose in its heart.

Now replace the place of the pencil with you.

Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

Reflection

There was a king who presented his daughter with a beautiful diamond necklace. The necklace was stolen and his people in the kingdom searched everywhere but could not find it. The king then asked them all to search for it and put a reward for $50,000 for anyone who found it.

One day, a clerk was walking home along a river next to an industrial area. This river was completely polluted and filthy and smelly. As he was walking, the clerk saw a shimmering in the river and when he looked, he saw the diamond necklace. He decided to try and catch it so that he could get the $50,000 reward.

He put his hand in the filthy, dirty river and grabbed at the necklace, but somehow missed it and didn’t catch it. He took his hand out and looked again and the necklace was still there. He tried again. This time he walked in the river and dirtied his pants in the filthy river and put his whole arm in to catch the necklace.

But strangely, he still missed the necklace! He came out and started walking away, feeling depressed. Then again, he saw the necklace, right there. This time he was determined to get it, no matter what. He decided to plunge into the river. Although it was disgusting, he plunged in and searched everywhere for the necklace. Yet one more time, he failed. This time he was really bewildered and came out feeling very depressed that he could not get the necklace that would get him $50,000.

Just then, a saint who was walking by, saw him, and asked him what the matter was. The clerk didn’t want to share the secret with the saint, thinking he might take the necklace for himself, so he refused to tell him anything.

The saint could see this man was troubled. Being compassionate, he again asked the clerk to tell him the problem and promised that he would not tell anyone about it. The clerk mustered some courage and decided to put some faith in the saint. He told him about the necklace and how he tried and tried to catch it, but kept failing.

The saint then told him that perhaps he should try looking upward, toward the branches of the tree, instead of in the filthy river. The clerk looked up and true enough, the necklace was dangling on the branch of a tree. He had been trying to capture a mere reflection of the real necklace all this time.

Amazing Birds

Beautiful Trees

Amazing Paths

The Troubles Tree

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job.

A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stoney silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family.

As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

After opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree, and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

“Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home.

Then in the morning, I pick them up again.” “Funny thing is,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

Trust…..

Once a little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,

“Sweetheart , please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.”

The little girl said, “No, Dad. You hold my hand.”

“What’s the difference?” asked the puzzle father.

“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl.

“If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

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